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Sam Trombley: The Gays Are Having Sex For The First Time!

Posted on Monday, 27th June 2011 @ 02:45 AM by Text Size A | A | A

SAM TROMBLEY: THE GAYS ARE HAVING SEX FOR THE FIRST TIME!

The State of New York recently legalized same-sex marriage, however legislation was not met without much resistance from Senate Republicans.

According to the Daily Kos, Sam Trombley, Republican and member of the Clinton County Legislature, argued against same-sex marriage citing the supposed danger it posed to public health: “I’m surprised the health department has not come out against this because we are going to have an HIV epidemic if this passes.”

While the above comment may seem to be a mere homophobic quip, some studies show that many homosexual couples are, in fact, waiting for marriage. Ryan and John, a New York couple who have requested their last names remain anonymous due their active roles in their respective churches, have shared their joy in their new-found ability to express their love physically, though they recognize the risks.

“For years we’ve been wanting to make love, and we thought, ‘if only the government would recognize our relationship as valid, then we could engage in intercourse and it would be a-OK with the Lord.’”

John describes the years they’ve spent waiting for this moment as joyous, albeit difficult.

“Most of our nights were just spent doing the usual, watching Pat Robertson on the television together on our separate I-Love-Lucy-esque twin-beds, reading some Glenn Beck, praying for our souls and then high-fiving each other before going to sleep.”

Ryan claims that Trombley’s speculations are fairly accurate.

“Trombley basically assumed that most gay people share his far-right views on morals, which is actually correct, we’re still coping with God hating us.”

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