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Ping Pong by T.C. Heard

Posted on Sunday, 13th May 2012 @ 01:39 AM by Text Size A | A | A

If it hasn’t been one thing, it’s another.

One thing right after the other,
Looking beneath the surface,
I don’t think I’ll ever be the same girl
No, I’m not the same girl we all knew
 
I’ve never been more confident in myself than I have now
I’m sexy as hell!
I’m true to myself, and I always follow my heart
However,
I don’t want to open up to anyone else
I just want you
But then again, I kinda want you to just burn in hell
My mind and heart continue to play Ping-Pong with how I feel
My pride is in the way of what I really want to say
 
I know I’m not good at this whole rhyming thing
And I’m not very much of a poet
But I’m a writer
I’m a story-teller
I’m working on telling my story
 
My inspiration comes from within
But I had found inspiration in you
You were one of my greatest muses
I remember every secret poem or song that had I wrote to you
It’s hard to believe that you ever really loved me with the way you’re acting now
 
I should be bitter towards men,
But it’s not all of them
It’s just the select few.
I put most of the blame of my father
The rest on an old flame
Then you came to my rescue at my darkest hour
You showed me how a girl is supposed to be treated
You showed me what love is like
I didn’t know how to love in a positive way until you walked into my life
 
Then outta the blue, I was unaware of everything that was bothering you
You dumped me in my deepest d a r k e s t hour.
And apparently I was the one acting like the asshole afterwards
When it was my heart that was broken
Nigga please!
 
Yet,
I feel like I’m still putty inside your hands.
I’ve grown attached,
I’ve grown fond of you,
I’ve grown to love you and your asshole ways
Being in love and loving someone is two entirely different things
People tend to forget that.
 
But I was almost at that point
Of being in love
Then you cut it off before I could experience what that was like
 
I came back
And you came to see me
We had plans to do what we did that night
I looked at it just as a release from my frustration
Nothing more, nothing less
I didn’t expect anything out of it
 
But we started talking and reminiscing
Then you mentioned the stars
Was it me or did you genuinely miss me?
You said you care, you said you loved me, and you called me “baby”,
Do you know what kind of emotions come back into play?
I don’t think you do!
 
Then we made love
It felt like old times
Except this time beats every other one
It was special and magical for me
I don’t know how for you
 
You held me through the night
But then you had to depart
As always I knew this,
But I was filled with an instant hope,
Thinking that maybe you had come around
 
Silly of me
Your actions speak louder than words
No call, no text
Figures
You got what you wanted
It felt a one-night-stand the next morning
What else did you need me for?
Oh no, “I’ll definitely be seeing you again before you leave,”
I forgot
You just need to get off.
My bad, dawg
 
was thinking that maybe some good can come out of this,
But then again who knows?
You know what, fuck it,
Whatever happens, happens
I can’t control the universe
I can’t control you
But I will tell you this,
I don’t do the whole “game playing” thing
Not my style
I refused to be played or used
will not be treated like some two cent whore
Or one of the hoes you use to talk to
 
Honestly, Mr. Know-It-All, I think you really don’t have a clue
I guess you didn’t get the memo
That I’m damn sure much more than that
I’m a diamond in a rough
 
I AM ONE HELL OF A WOMAN!
 
Intelligent,
Educated,
Ambitious,
natural beauty,
masterpiece of moving art,
and uh hello! have you seen me in heels?
 
You just never paid close attention to all the good
Seems like you only cared about the negative.
Maybe you should wash your eyes so you can see a bit clearer …

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