BACHMANNS SEEK NEW CHURCH: ANTON LAVEY, WESTBORO AMONG REPLACEMENT LIST
Michele Bachmann and her family have recently left the Salem Lutheran Church in Stillwater, MN, a church they had belonged to for over 10 years.
According to a CNN article, the Wisconsin Evangelical Lutheran Synod, the broader denominational body to which the Bachmann’s former church is a member, has come under some scrutiny due to their harsh criticism of the papacy. Michele’s husband, Marcus, explains:
“They say the Pope is essentially the anti-Christ, and we just can’t get behind that. I mean, come on, the Pope can’t be the anti-Christ, the Pope isn’t gay.”
Reports have alluded to the Bachmann’s attending a non-denominational church elsewhere in the state; a move Michele assures is “just to keep the liberal media happy.”
As a poster-woman for the Christian Right, Michele is actively seeking a new church, and while leaving Salem may have won her some support from certain sects of Catholicism, she certainly does not want to disappoint her true base.
“I’ve been doing a lot of searching, and there’s a few that have caught my eye. Obviously, those friendly farmer-looking people from Kansas are appealing to Marcus and I due to their stance on homosexuals, plus when the new world order arrives I may as well be with the group with the most brightly colored signs.”
Pondering, she adds, “although, I don’t know if my schedule will permit all the protests.”
Anton Lavey was a more unlikely choice for the Congresswoman, but Michele sites several rules and doctrines as useful to her in her political career.
“For example, they say you should not take something that does not belong to you unless it’s a burden to the other person, which is why I always vote to reduce abortion rights and healthcare, why burden people with pesky things like affordable access to care and a right to choose, sounds like socialism to me.”
While sifting through her new-found Wikipedia summaries and Intelligent Design Theory pamphlets she quips, “I just need to figure out who this Stan fellow is they’re so passionate about.”
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